Echoes of Regret: A Letter to Mama Deling

One of the biggest regrets I carry with me is tied to a simple invitation from my mama. She once invited me to spend a vacation with her in her hometown — that place full of her memories and childhood stories. It was a chance to see her world, to know her beyond being just my mother.

Pero ingon ana gyud siguro ang life — usahay muabot ang mga panahon nga gusto ta, pero di gyud kaya. Back then, I really wanted to go, but we just didn’t have the budget. The struggle was real, and I had to say no, thinking naa pa’y next time, naa pa’y sunod nga higayon.

Time passed. Things changed. I got a stable job, nakasugod ug work, and finally had the means to travel. Pero mao pud to, busy na kaayo sa trabaho. I had the money, but not the time. Life flipped its own coin — before, we had time but no money; now, we had money but no time. Mama went to her hometown alone that year. After a week or two, she came home. Everything seemed fine. Normal ra kaayo. Until the unthinkable happened.

Riding the bus is one of my favorite things, especially when
holding your hand and leaning on your shoulder.

when I was your watcher

Mama was admitted to the hospital. The news hit me hard. Suddenly, all my reasons — work, duties, obligations — felt so small. I rushed to her side, stayed with her for days. After three days, she was discharged. We were so happy, thinking okay na siya, nga naka-recover na. But that same night, after a small celebration sa trabaho, I came home to worried faces. My sibling told me Mama was in pain again — stomach pain daw, like before. We thought okay ra, kaya pa massage or pahulay lang. But this time, lahi na. She asked to be brought back to the hospital.

At that moment, kabalo na ko. I felt it deep inside — something was wrong. The past few days replayed in my head, and I found myself whispering silent prayers, begging for another chance. But deep down, I knew. I really knew.

Then came the day that changed everything.

May 24, 2018 — 6:20 in the morning. Mama was gone.

That moment… I can still feel it. The weight, the silence, the disbelief. I wasn’t just grieving her loss — I was grieving the time I lost with her. The “next time” I thought I’d always have. The vacation I didn’t take. The moments I could’ve said “Ma, kuyog ta.”

Until now, that regret stays with me. It’s a quiet reminder that time will never wait. That love, when left for later, sometimes never finds its turn.

Until we meet again

Dear Mama Deling,

        I miss you every day. Not a moment goes by without thinking of you and the love you gave so freely. I wish I could turn back time, to share more laughs, more stories, and more moments with you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, for the wisdom you shared, and for the endless love you showed. I carry you in my heart always, and I hope you're watching over us, smiling.

        I love you, Mama. Until we meet again.

Kweenie

Next Page: From Plant Worker to Office Personnel

A Defining Moment: My Journey from Plant Worker to Security OFFICER/Secretary

A month or two after ko nagsugod trabaho sa plant — kato bitaw nga among trabaho kay magbutang ug sticker sa cellophane para sa saging — naa ra duol ana ang Security Office. One day during break time, naa’y ni-approach namo nga lalaki gikan sa Security Section. He introduced himself as the admin didto, unya niingon siya nga nangita daw sila ug college graduate para sa secretary position. The job required someone nga kabalo mo-handle ug computer — which was, luckily, akong forte.

While he was talking, nadungog nako akong mga kauban nga murag gi-mention akong name. Murag gi-recommend ba, and deep inside I felt like, “hala, this might be my chance!” So without thinking twice, ni-raise dayon ko sa akong kamot, showing interest. That one brave move opened the door for an interview — ug mao to ang sinugdanan sa usa ka defining moment sa akong career.

Pag-abot sa interview, didto nako na-realize nga daghan diay mi applicants. Most of them were in formal attire, ug ang uban kay naka security guard uniform pa gyud. The job required a security license — nga wala gyud koy ikapakita. Honestly, medyo na-intimidate ko ato.

Pero instead of giving up, I focused on what I had — akong degree ug computer skills. I held on to that confidence nga maybe, mao ni akong edge. After about a week of waiting, I got the call — I was chosen for the position! It felt surreal. That moment made me realize nga when it’s meant for you, it really finds its way.

Growth and Perseverance.

Pagkasugod nako sa trabaho, wala na koy paglangan. Diretso gyud ko sa role. My tasks were everything under the sun — dili lang secretary nga puro papel. I handled documents, brewed coffee, cleaned, and even cooked! HAHA! It was the kind of job nga dapat flexible ka ug kabalo mo-adjust.

At first, super awkward kay ako ra’y babaye sa section, and the youngest pa gyud. On my first day, gusto ko magpakita nga kaya nako. So I came early, prepared, and motivated. Pero wala gyud ko nag-expect sa akong first assignment.

The Head Security Officer called me and said, “Come with me to the market.” I was like, “Hala unsa kaha ni?” But I just smiled and followed. We rode in the vehicle, and I just went with the flow. When we got back, mao diay — ako ang magluto sa mga gipamalit! That time, I swear, nag-ampo ko sa tanan santos nga akong nahinumduman! HAHA!

I didn’t even know asa ang kalan, unsaon paggamit, or unsa akong galutoon. I almost cried kay murag grabe ka-challenging for my first day. Pero thankful kaayo ko kay my coworkers were very supportive. They helped me, guided me, and made me feel like I belonged.

That day, I realized — sometimes, growth doesn’t happen in comfort. It happens when you say “yes” to things you’ve never done before.

🍌 D O L E  N-S K Y  F A M  🍌

1 Photo (Half a million boxes in 28Ds! Achieved), 2 (Security Admin, Sir Agustin and our "Container Van" Office), 3 (Me and Maymay hatod ug radio sa Gate Guard), 4 (My Boss/Model, Sir Salting(Left), HR Manager (Right), Sir Rodriguez, 5 (My Dole NorthSky Fam), 6 (Me, making face in the office with the gifts prepared for our party)

As time went by, naka-adjust ra gyud ko sa tanan. From making coffee and entertaining guests, to preparing presentations and handling all the admin tasks — naanad ra gyud ko sa dagan sa trabaho. Kada adlaw naa gyud bagong challenge, pero with each one, mas ni-grow ko ug mas ni-gain kog confidence. Bitaw, the more ko na-expose sa work, the more ko naka-realize nga kaya ra diay basta pursigido lang ka ug open ka to learn.

A Defining Start: My Post-College Hustle and the 50-Peso Realization

After graduating from college in 2016, parehas ra siguro ko sa ubang bag-ong graduate — chill mode sa. 😅 After all those sleepless nights and puyo sa classroom, murag deserve man pud ang gamayng pahulay. For the first few months, okay ra ang life nga walay pressure — tulog, kaon, laag, repeat. Pero after a while, nagsugod na kog ma-bored. Kay halos tanan nakong classmates kay naanay trabaho, and I started thinking, hala, basin ako ra’y nabilin sa waiting area sa kinabuhi. 😅

So I told myself, “Dili pwede ani. I need to move.” Mao to, ni-decide ko nga mubalik sa BIR — mao tong government office nga didto ko nag OJT. Nag-volunteer lang sa ko samtang nangita ug permanent job. Para at least, productive gihapon ba, ug naa koy connection sa field nga gusto nako sudlan.

While nagpadayon ko sa pagpang-apply, nagsugod pud tong endless process — gathering requirements, preparing for interviews, ug syempre, practicing unsay isulti. Then, the day of my first ever real interview came. Grabe, mixed emotions! Excited pero kulba kaayo. This time, dili na practice-practice lang — this was it, the real deal.

Pag-abot nako sa office, kalma pa unta ko. Pero pag gawas sa interviewer, murag na-shock ko gamay. 😅 Dili man sa pag-judge, pero honestly, iyang appearance kay medyo intimidating. Gamay siya, medyo nakuyos ug lawas, ug seryoso kaayo ang aura. So imagine unsa akong gibati — heart racing, hands sweaty. Pero gi-remind nako akong self: “Hoy, focus! You’re here for your future, not for fashion show.”

So I smiled, sat down, and answered every question with all my might. Asa ko ni-graduate, unsay skills, unsay ma-offer nako. Then out of nowhere, giingnan ko nga naa silay opening for secretary. I thought, hala, mao na ni? Excited pero curious pud.

Pero mao ni ang twist — probationary daw, ug 50 pesos per day lang ang allowance. FIFTY. PESOS. 😭 Internally, ako na lang giingnan akong self, “Okay, kalma lang… experience ra ni.” Pero deep inside, nagkatawa ko ug gamay kay murag pamlete ra man ni padulong trabaho.

Lunch break came, ug while sakay ko ug rela pauli, I kept thinking about it. “Fifty pesos a day? Mao na to akong sweldo? Murag mas dako pa akong allowance sauna.” 😅 I couldn’t decide kung magkatawa ba ko or maguol.

Pag-abot nako sa balay, I told my Mama everything — from the interview, the offer, and yes, that famous 50 pesos. Pagkadungog niya, iyang reaction kay priceless: “Ha?! Singkwenta pesos ra imong sweldo sa usa ka adlaw?!” 😳 Murag naa gyud siyay nakita nga injustice sa kalibutan.

She looked at me seriously and said, “Aha man na inyo office? Adtoan ko na, ayaw nag balik didto.” Then she added, “Naa kay number nila? Tawagan nako!” — classic Mama moment, haha! Pero bitaw, naa siyay punto. She told me nga mas dako pa akong baon sauna kaysa sa sweldo nga gi-offer. And that hit hard.

That day, I realized something important — starting your career doesn’t mean accepting anything that comes your way. It’s about knowing your worth and finding the right start. My Mama’s words were a wake-up call, ug nakasabot ko nga dili lang basta makasulod ug trabaho, dapat makasulod sa saktong lugar.

So I doubled down on my job hunt — apply here, apply there, send resume, check emails, repeat. Every rejection hurt, pero I didn’t give up. Then one day, a call came from my Papa’s cousin — my aunt. She said, “Nag-hiring amo company. Try daw apply.” Hala, murag gihatagan kog paglaom balik.

Excited kaayo ko. Nag-prepare dayon ko ug requirements, gi-set akong mind nga this could be it. Pag-abot nako sa venue, I was shocked — daghan kaayong applicants! My first thought: “Aguy, grabe nga competition ni.” 😅

Pero pag-abot sa orientation, kalit lang giingon nga — accepted na diay tanan! 😭 I couldn’t help but laugh. The tension instantly melted away. Gi-explain sa amo nga ang trabaho kay magbutang ug stickers sa cellophane para sa export nga saging. Dili man siya glamoroso nga trabaho, pero it was a start. A humble, grateful start.

And that’s where my real journey began.

This is only a sample output of our work

That experience was something else. It was far from easy—applying stickers to cellophane all day, with our pay based on the weight of the work we completed. The more I did it, the more I realized just how tough this kind of work really is. It wasn’t mentally challenging, but physically, it was exhausting. It amazed me how demanding the job was, and it gave me a new level of respect for the people who do this kind of work every day.

It was a real eye-opener for me, showing that no matter how simple a task might seem, there’s always hard work behind it.

This was my first paying job, and it turned out to be a memorable experience. I really enjoyed it and learned a lot along the way. From the initial excitement of securing a job to the reality of physically demanding work, it was a journey full of surprises and lessons.

I met a diverse group of people—some with college degrees, others with only high school education, individuals from abroad, married folks, and singles. Despite the hard work, we shared many laughs and built a sense of camaraderie. Listening to my colleagues’ stories and experiences was a valuable part of the job, teaching me not only about work but also about life.

Mao to nga this job taught me a lot. It taught me perseverance, nga bisag kapoy, padayon lang. It taught me not to settle for less, nga okay ra magsugod sa ubos basta di ka magpabilin didto. And most of all, it taught me the joy of connection — nga bisan unsa pa imong background, kung magtinabangay mo, mahimo ra gyud ang lisod.

That job — simple as it was — became one of the best starting chapters sa akong career. Kapoy, yes. Pero rewarding kaayo. ❤️