Echoes of Regret: A Letter to Mama Deling

One of the biggest regrets I carry with me is tied to a simple invitation from my mama. She once invited me to spend a vacation with her in her hometown — that place full of her memories and childhood stories. It was a chance to see her world, to know her beyond being just my mother.

Pero ingon ana gyud siguro ang life — usahay muabot ang mga panahon nga gusto ta, pero di gyud kaya. Back then, I really wanted to go, but we just didn’t have the budget. The struggle was real, and I had to say no, thinking naa pa’y next time, naa pa’y sunod nga higayon.

Time passed. Things changed. I got a stable job, nakasugod ug work, and finally had the means to travel. Pero mao pud to, busy na kaayo sa trabaho. I had the money, but not the time. Life flipped its own coin — before, we had time but no money; now, we had money but no time. Mama went to her hometown alone that year. After a week or two, she came home. Everything seemed fine. Normal ra kaayo. Until the unthinkable happened.

Riding the bus is one of my favorite things, especially when
holding your hand and leaning on your shoulder.

when I was your watcher

Mama was admitted to the hospital. The news hit me hard. Suddenly, all my reasons — work, duties, obligations — felt so small. I rushed to her side, stayed with her for days. After three days, she was discharged. We were so happy, thinking okay na siya, nga naka-recover na. But that same night, after a small celebration sa trabaho, I came home to worried faces. My sibling told me Mama was in pain again — stomach pain daw, like before. We thought okay ra, kaya pa massage or pahulay lang. But this time, lahi na. She asked to be brought back to the hospital.

At that moment, kabalo na ko. I felt it deep inside — something was wrong. The past few days replayed in my head, and I found myself whispering silent prayers, begging for another chance. But deep down, I knew. I really knew.

Then came the day that changed everything.

May 24, 2018 — 6:20 in the morning. Mama was gone.

That moment… I can still feel it. The weight, the silence, the disbelief. I wasn’t just grieving her loss — I was grieving the time I lost with her. The “next time” I thought I’d always have. The vacation I didn’t take. The moments I could’ve said “Ma, kuyog ta.”

Until now, that regret stays with me. It’s a quiet reminder that time will never wait. That love, when left for later, sometimes never finds its turn.

Until we meet again

Dear Mama Deling,

        I miss you every day. Not a moment goes by without thinking of you and the love you gave so freely. I wish I could turn back time, to share more laughs, more stories, and more moments with you. Thank you for everything you've done for me, for the wisdom you shared, and for the endless love you showed. I carry you in my heart always, and I hope you're watching over us, smiling.

        I love you, Mama. Until we meet again.

Kweenie